In fact, not just on Mothers day but on birthdays and Christmas too.
On special days such as Birthdays, Mother’s Day and Christmas if we’re lucky, we will receive heartfelt tokens of appreciation from our spouse and/or children. This can make you feel special, wanted and spoiled. However, not everyone is lucky enough to receive such tokens, which can leave some mums feeling lonely, underwhelmed and unseen.
Being a mum is often a thankless job. It is also a worthwhile and wonderful one. However, there is a lot of self-sacrifices involved and all too often it is also filled with guilt.
All year round even on the tightest of budgets, we find the money to give our children what they want or need. We always seem to find the money to buy new shoes and clothes when they grow out of their current ones, which often tends to happen without warning. We take them out on weekends and during the holidays and spend countless sums on activities, ice creams and toys etc.
We worry that we haven’t bought enough at Christmas and on birthdays. Often throwing elaborate parties for their birthdays and feeding the masses, even if we can’t really afford to. Yet, if we want or need a new coat for winter, or dream of a new bag or perfume, we feel guilty about being indulgent or selfish for wanting something for ourselves. The money needed becomes too much and the voice inside our head tells us we don’t have the money to waste on ourselves. Our children need things and therefore, we go without.
As a single working parent, I am not a woman of great means, but I am good with a budget. I deny myself luxuries throughout the year in order to ensure I can give my children whatever they need and don’t have to say ‘no’ all the time.
On Mothers Day, our children/partners may treat us to chocolates and flowers and we know we are loved even without these tokens. A handmade card or a cup of tea and toast in bed would more than suffice. Sometimes a gift can be as simple as having some peace and quiet to read a magazine or a long uninterrupted soak in the bath. It’s not always about buying material things; the little things mean the most.
But how often are you asked what you really want? How often do you even consider it?
I propose that we drop the ‘mum guilt’ (as hard as this may be as it is a very real and powerful emotion) and put our own wants and needs first, just for a minute, a day or even a weekend (delete as appropriate). Giving ourselves something on these occasions, instead of looking to others to show us they care, can be revolutionary and truly liberating.
The year I split with my ex-husband, my children were still very young and I had struggled to make ends meet.
I had my eye on a pair of earrings but had been denying myself the luxury of them as I couldn’t justify spending anything on myself. In the end, with much deliberation, I bought myself the earrings and said thank you to my girls, they were happy I had treated myself on their behalf. The earrings were handmade from Etsy and the perfect gift, I still cherish them to this day as they represent so much more than just a self-indulgent purchase. They represent me doing a good job and that I can show myself love and appreciation, I hope my daughters do the same when they’re older too. This is why I will continue this tradition and hope many other mothers will too.
If we as mothers and women take charge of gifting ourselves the things we genuinely want/need (in moderation and within our own budget of course). It can be a way of showing ourselves the appreciation we deserve and not waiting for others to appreciate and validate us. It can also take the pressure off our children and partners too. It’s a joyous feeling when you give a guilt-free gift to yourself, no matter how small it might be. I urge you to try it and enjoy the self-gifting experience that you deserve.
This year, I bought myself a fountain pen and a perfume, because the heart wants what it wants right?
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